Donna asked this question on the Loveawake Facebook page in response to my post Does the Type of Guy You Want Tend to Work Out?
“I find I am having that issue, I am picky and like guys who take care of themselves as I do that myself. I find I end up with guys who don’t know what direction they want to take in their lives or don’t know what they want and then I feel as though I am not good enough or perfect enough to have a good man in my life. If anyone has any suggestions or steps I can take to change that then let me know.”
As a dating coach for women, I have a lot of empathy for your situation. That’s why I want to share three empowering steps you can take to end the unpleasant dating cycle you’ve experienced.
1. Make a list of the qualities you like in your type of guy. Then make a list of the qualities you DON’T like in these same men. Think about the last few guys you dated to make two thorough lists.
Next, notice how what you like is a package deal with the qualities that cause problems. All people are package deals, stocked with good and not so good characteristics. The human condition is to be flawed and imperfect. Choosing the right balance is what makes a tremendous difference in your relationships success.
The trick is to find a man who has more good qualities including ones that foster a long-term, healthy relationship. After reviewing your two lists, you are likely to find your type hasn’t offered the kind of qualities needed to establish a lasting, loving relationship.
2. Now, make a new list with the revised personality traits that could work much better. Besides his looks and self-care, add qualities such as “knows what he wants, has life direction, enjoys his career, is relationship ready”. Those sorts of things will help you seek out men with greater relationship potential.
3. Recognize that a man’s lack of direction or inability to know what he wants, doesn’t make you unworthy. You concluded that you aren’t good enough for a “good man”. As a dating coach for women, I have a few suggestions on how to turn this thinking around.
- Who says those guys were “good men” or good enough for you? The fact that they rejected you is proof enough that they don’t know what “good” really is! One aspect of a man who is relationship material is that he knows what he wants which is you!
- It’s time to see your exes in a more objective light. Perhaps they were shallow, immature, lacking ambition or simply not the right men for you.
- When a man leaves you, it doesn’t automatically mean you are at fault. This is an opportunity to work on your self esteem and worthiness. Start by thinking of all the reasons why you are a wonderful woman. Make a list for yourself to get reacquainted with your own outstanding qualities. The more you realize what a great catch you are, the more you can let it go when men don’t see your “fabulousness”.
The right man for you is out there. Get past a man’s looks and seek the qualities men need to be your Mr. Right. Shore up your confidence because men are attracted to women who appear secure and self assured. Then open your eyes, mind and heart to a wider scope of men who can see you as the desirable woman you truly are.